Let not Divorce Traumatize your Children...

 

 

 

"Divorce is probably not in and of itself psychologically damaging for children: what counts is whether, how often, and how intensely parents fight in front of their children both before and after divorce."

 

When divorce creates a border line separating two parents, insecurity creeps in, causing chaos in the lives of children. However, as it is said, trials of life are far less important than how one faces them, a parent taking care of children needs to dive into the uncharted waters that divorce brings in, keep navigating and come out successfully from every stressful situation. Children want more love, care, sympathy and a very strong support to do well in life even if their parents are divorcees. Teaching your child to dream and act positively and steadily towards the direction of realisation of the objectives that they once dreamt of, is one crucial task. Be more assertive with your children. Help them realize that you are there with them at each and every step of their lives. Like a sunflower, let them bask in the sunshine, let them flourish under your care.

Also, watching you and your ex spouse in conflict can be one factor that not only generates negative vibes but also takes a toll on the lives of children. Avoiding this unpleasant situation is one big step in securing your kids’ future. Instead, you can motivate them to become even more successful in life. Remember, nothing creates a powerful impact in the life of children than your initiative for their well-being.

 

Symptoms of divorce that might reflect on your children

As a parent you might sense that your children are upset by noticing the symptoms of the emotional crisis they are facing after their parents have separated. Children feel that divorce between their parents was one thing beyond their control, and they start showing repulsive behaviour. Reaction in the form of depression, anxiety or unwanted anger over usual things makes the situation worse. Children might not be able to sleep properly, show lack of concentration, their performance in school might get affected and they might develop various complexes which shall ultimately hamper their overall personality and future relationships. All these reactions can become a cause of concern for parents.  In the worst case scenario, children might start consuming drugs or alcohol, leading them to nowhere. Take help from a therapist and let your children express themselves. One of parents has to become their confidante and pillar of strength at such times. It is better to act boldly and take preventive measures before the situation becomes difficult to handle. 

Newspapers are filled with daily news of children of divorced parents falling prey to wrong doers in society and becoming puppets in their hands. Even children from good family backgrounds, tend to get misguided and end up becoming victims of drug abuse. Many get jailed or hospitalized after facing life threatening situations. A certain girl, Anamika (actual name withheld) from a very affluent family was found tortured physically and killed after a month of remaining absent from her house. Friends informed that she was in the wrong company of a guy who asked to bring money from her single parenting mom, who was a rich and famous, which she did. Shocked at the death of their daughter, the parents were still blaming each other for not taking proper care of the 14 year old. 

What do children need from their parents in the post-divorce scenario?

From the very first day they open their eyes and enter into this world, children get used to loving their parents. No matter what unfortunate situation leads to their parents’ separation and divorce, children want constant care from both the ends. Letters, cards, gifts and phone calls from parents make kids feel good. Keep yourself aware of the fact that children might develop guilty complex if they find their parents arguing about them. They might not say it, but they feel bad. It’s best to shrug such discussions off and be strong enough to take their responsibility. Another major noteworthy point here is, to stop talking negatively about your ex spouse and if possible don’t discuss him at all. Be cautious of the fact that children tend to become introverts and very weak emotionally if they are struggling to live in such an environment where constant quarrels and taunting are the part of daily routine. 

How to communicate with your kids regarding divorce?

However difficult it might seem, putting thoughts across and conveying facts to your children is a big responsibility on a parent. So begin in a kid-friendly way, be empathetic in tone, and be honest with them. Lying and giving dubious information is definitely not the right way when you are dealing with them. Realize, that it is a delicate moment and sugar coated candies might not be all that your children need from you. They want you to understand them and address all their queries. Don’t breakdown before them, as it would only show your timidity and that you are unable to cope with the situation. As a positive step, you can tell them that you love them and they are your first priority in life, just let them know that they can rely on you and you would, like a friend lend them a warm shoulder in the cold world.

 Last but certainly not the least....

Children’s future can be shaped like a pottery maker gives shape to the vessel, and we know it’s a delicate process. Divorce should be taken as the beginning of a new life for kids, not forgetting that unless they are compelled initially to move in the right direction, they might become a constant cause of worry for their single parents. It should not be forgotten that they need continuous attention and guidance to become successful. Single parents, be it a single mom or a single dad should realise that raising happy and healthy kids is their responsibility and once they are on the right track, children would show their actual potential and make their parents proud with their accomplishments!