"Divorce is
probably not in and of itself psychologically damaging for children: what
counts is whether, how often, and how intensely parents fight in front of their
children both before and after divorce."
When divorce creates a border line separating two
parents, insecurity creeps in, causing chaos in the lives of children. However,
as it is said, trials of life are far less important than how one faces them, a
parent taking care of children needs to dive into the uncharted waters that
divorce brings in, keep navigating and come out successfully from every
stressful situation. Children want more love, care, sympathy and a very strong
support to do well in life even if their parents are divorcees. Teaching your
child to dream and act positively and steadily towards the direction of realisation
of the objectives that they once dreamt of, is one crucial task. Be more
assertive with your children. Help them realize that you are there with them at
each and every step of their lives. Like a sunflower, let them bask in the
sunshine, let them flourish under your care.
Also, watching you and your ex spouse in conflict can
be one factor that not only generates negative vibes but also takes a toll on
the lives of children. Avoiding this unpleasant situation is one big step in
securing your kids’ future. Instead, you can motivate them to become even more
successful in life. Remember, nothing creates a powerful impact in the life of
children than your initiative for their well-being.
Symptoms of divorce
that might reflect on your children
As a parent you might sense that your children are
upset by noticing the symptoms of the emotional crisis they are facing after
their parents have separated. Children feel that divorce between their parents was
one thing beyond their control, and they start showing repulsive behaviour. Reaction
in the form of depression, anxiety or unwanted anger over usual things makes
the situation worse. Children might not be able to sleep properly, show lack of
concentration, their performance in school might get affected and they might
develop various complexes which shall ultimately hamper their overall
personality and future relationships. All these reactions can become a cause of
concern for parents. In the worst case
scenario, children might start consuming drugs or alcohol, leading them to
nowhere. Take help from a therapist and let your children express themselves.
One of parents has to become their confidante and pillar of strength at such
times. It is better to act boldly and take preventive measures before the
situation becomes difficult to handle.
Newspapers are filled with daily news of children of
divorced parents falling prey to wrong doers in society and becoming puppets in
their hands. Even children from good family backgrounds, tend to get misguided
and end up becoming victims of drug abuse. Many get jailed or hospitalized
after facing life threatening situations. A certain girl, Anamika (actual name
withheld) from a very affluent family was found tortured physically and killed
after a month of remaining absent from her house. Friends informed that she was
in the wrong company of a guy who asked to bring money from her single
parenting mom, who was a rich and famous, which she did. Shocked at the death
of their daughter, the parents were still blaming each other for not taking
proper care of the 14 year old.
What do children need
from their parents in the post-divorce scenario?
How to communicate with
your kids regarding divorce?
However difficult it
might seem, putting thoughts across and conveying facts to your children is a big
responsibility on a parent. So begin in a kid-friendly way, be empathetic in
tone, and be honest with them. Lying and giving dubious information is definitely
not the right way when you are dealing with them. Realize, that it is a
delicate moment and sugar coated candies might not be all that your children
need from you. They want you to understand them and address all their queries.
Don’t breakdown before them, as it would only show your timidity and that you
are unable to cope with the situation. As a positive step, you can tell them
that you love them and they are your first priority in life, just let them know
that they can rely on you and you would, like a friend lend them a warm
shoulder in the cold world.
Children’s future can be shaped like a pottery maker
gives shape to the vessel, and we know it’s a delicate process. Divorce should
be taken as the beginning of a new life for kids, not forgetting that unless
they are compelled initially to move in the right direction, they might become
a constant cause of worry for their single parents. It should not be forgotten
that they need continuous attention and guidance to become successful. Single
parents, be it a single mom or a single dad should realise that raising happy
and healthy kids is their responsibility and once they are on the right track, children
would show their actual potential and make their parents proud with their
accomplishments!
