Coping with the After Effects of the Divorce Mammoth
Divorce should only be considered when the pros of staying alone outweigh the cons of staying together.
10 Positive Mantras to Cope with the After Effects of Divorce:
e. Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow:
One topic that everybody seems to know about is… Divorce. Every person thinks and feels that they know all about Divorce. Often people are full of advices and information about what someone should do, how they should react and behave and how the process works. Surprisingly, the reality is often very different. Each case of divorce is unique with different set of circumstances and instances which cannot be straightaway compared to any other case. The potential for people to be caught out when splitting up by trusting in what they have heard is immense because of incorrect terms in the divorce process that are debated around, changes to the law and misinformation.
Divorce should only be considered when the pros of staying alone outweigh the cons of staying together.
When divorce actually happens, the reality is quite different than we expect. Some people are relieved that it is all over! Most of us are lost and confused and can’t decide how to tackle life now after divorce. Mental health experts say the trauma that Divorce or separation causes is comparable to grieving the death of a loved one. Hence I wish to guide the couples by way of a 10 point strategy to fade away your blues.
10 Positive Mantras to Cope with the After Effects of Divorce:
a. Don’t Be Too Scared to Start Life Afresh:
Although divorce is a major change in life that can leave a person in distress. If being alone is a scarier thought than by staying in a broken marriage, you're letting fear make your decisions. Being on your own to deal with issues such as children, money, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem devastating. Most of us feel a little sceptical and scared to start life afresh. It is normal to feel apprehensive after divorce. Anxiety is more when kids are involved. Time will heal the deep wounds. We should not hesitate to look into life with a new dimension, stop worrying and start living.
b. Face the Mixed Emotions with Courage:
Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound grief, setback and stress. While you may know that the divorce was for the best, you may find that some days you hate your ex - spouse, and, surprisingly, other days you miss him/her. You may wonder why you feel any fondness for someone you are divorcing. It is perfectly normal, and most divorced people report these mixed emotions. Do not escape from these thoughts .Face them and it will help you feel better and recover faster.
c. Accept your Divorce:
Don’t die of guilt. No relationship is perfect. A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Remember that it is always better to be alone than in bad company. The portion that rots has to be chopped off. One does feel incomplete at times but with time adjusts with the situation and is happy to be alive and free of that unsuccessful and futile relationship. With you accepting the fact that you are divorced now it is the time to jumpstart your life! When you accept the situation life has put you into you will be able to plan out what you would do next. Doing so will help you and your children deal with the ill-fated event as fast as possible.
d. Move On with Life:
Sooner or later you will realize that, life is fast moving on. There comes a time when you ought to accept the fact and say, "I've got to get on with my life, I've got to get my career on fast track, I’ve got to get on with raising my children, I've got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, productive and at peace with myself ." Find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
e. Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow:
Stop burdening yourself with statements that leave a strong negative impact on yourself like: “My life is finished," "Things are terribly ugly with me" and “I’ve lost everything". Recognize that it's factually not true. Negative thinking brings negative vibes with it. Be practical and realistic.
Divorce happened to you because you did not deserve to be in a terrible relationship that ruined your soul and deeply affected your overall well-being as a human being. Your life isn't finished; it's just a new phase in your life and a new beginning for you.
Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically as well as psychologically feel. Find a way to drain- out all the negative emotions that stem from the divorce to more productive means. Channelize all your energy in a sport or a new hobby. Do deep breathing exercises i.e. meditation and yoga. Yoga is a great mind and body workout. Yoga has great healing potential which helps you to focus on your inner self and introspect.
Divorce happened to you because you did not deserve to be in a terrible relationship that ruined your soul and deeply affected your overall well-being as a human being. Your life isn't finished; it's just a new phase in your life and a new beginning for you.
Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically as well as psychologically feel. Find a way to drain- out all the negative emotions that stem from the divorce to more productive means. Channelize all your energy in a sport or a new hobby. Do deep breathing exercises i.e. meditation and yoga. Yoga is a great mind and body workout. Yoga has great healing potential which helps you to focus on your inner self and introspect.
f. Talk to your Kids:
Often parents keep their children out of divorce process. Generally they are too busy coping with the trauma themselves that they overlook the impact of divorce on their children. Divorce can be deeply devastating on children’s tender minds. Sheltering them from the situation will not help them at all. If children are not involved and counselled on time these wounds will deepen with time. They have the right to know what is going on; they should be able to express what they're feeling, and how things will get better. If they know there are things they can do to help this transition, it will give them a feeling of power. Make sure that you explain everything to them and that you answer any question that they may have. You may need to sugar coat things a little bit, but see to it that you remain as honest as possible.
g. Plan your Finances:
Make sure to carry out a systematic assessment of your financial resources like properties, investments, assets and bank balance. Now decide what your options are in terms of housing, job and finances. It is imperative that you get financial advice during the divorce process to ensure that you maximise your assets and to ensure that you are able to manage after the divorce.
h. Do not Hesitate to Ask for Help and Join a Support Group for Divorced Men and Women:
There is no single strategy to simplify the pain and loss that divorce brings. Most often when people are asked how best to survive the effects of divorce, majority say this: We are counting on a great a support network.
Realize that you're not the first person to go through this. Finding support is not just for women. While coping with divorce, women tend to seek and find support rather easily, despite having equally strong emotional needs; men are more likely to hesitate to reach out to others for help.
You can also hasten the recovery process for you and your children by joining a support group that comprises of people who have undergone the same situation. Most of the time, knowing that there are people who are feeling the same sentiments will help lend a sense of normalcy to what feels like a changed life. If there are no such groups in your area, then use the internet to join different groups that will accomplish the same purpose.
You can also hasten the recovery process for you and your children by joining a support group that comprises of people who have undergone the same situation. Most of the time, knowing that there are people who are feeling the same sentiments will help lend a sense of normalcy to what feels like a changed life. If there are no such groups in your area, then use the internet to join different groups that will accomplish the same purpose.
i. Redefine a New Relationship with your ex for the Benefit of your Children:
I know it is difficult and rather challenging to come over your old relationship as husband and wife and working out towards building a new relationship as common buddies of your children and for the sake of your children. Impartially try to evaluate your present relationship with your former spouse. How often does he/she plan to see your kids? Will you be cutting all ties or maintaining a healthy relationship with him/her? Your co-operation with your former spouse will surely help in creation of new memories with your children. These memories will imbibe confidence in their lost self-esteem. Your positive support will develop and strengthen their personality and make them a better individual.
j. Think about Securing your Entire Future:
Last but not the least, try and do everything to habituate yourself to enhance further growth and success. For this, self- introspection is necessary in order to identify both your innate strengths and shortcomings and fine-tune yourself to move forward in a new and positive direction.
Remember, you will help channelize only those results that you think are most probably achievable. If you genuinely feel that you can change the outlook of your life, and the consequences of post-divorce scenario, you will surely be able to come out of the blues as soon as possible.Every divorcee seeks new challenges and wants to come out with flying colours in life. Therefore, all of us who are caught in the web of leading the life of a divorcee need to be emotionally calm, true to ourselves and be compassionate enough with ourselves just as we are with our children and closest friends and relatives. It would be of great help to us if we change our environment for the better and surround ourselves with synergised people. This can not only beautify our lives, it can also widen our horizons, giving an in- depth meaning to our lives which in turn would help us discover the beautiful, powerful, and exceptional person that we truly are.
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